Fandt det her post på RSDNation. Til andre newbies som mig selv er det her et must read:
The actual article:
I’m noticing that more guys are posting on the forum and getting into RSD – which is awesome. Rather than answer the same questions repeatedly, it makes more sense for me to write up an article full of advice based on my own experiences.
Mistake #1: You DON’T GO OUT… This is pretty damn obvious, but guys ask all the time how to get through this specific sticking point, and when you ask how many times a week they go out, their response is “well…I’ve just been so busy lately.” What they don’t realize is that when you go out, these little sticking points fix themselves rather quickly. It gets said all the time, but I want to reinforce the fact that you will learn 10x more from going out one night than watching 20 hours of DVDs. NO JOKE. The material is great, and I highly recommend it, but if you aren’t going out, you’re just mentally masturbating.
Mistake #2: You AREN'T Physically Escalating Being physical with women is so damn important. When you first go out, you probably won't be congruent with it, but that's fine...you have to start somewhere. Getting physical is as simple as shaking her hand or giving her a hug. The point is that you continue to get more physical throughout the interaction. I usually don't use routines, but when I get physical with girls,I usually follow a pattern (after I've built up social momentum, I naturally drop it):
1. Spin handshake - just as it sounds, when I meet girls, I'll spin them around
2. Hand clasp - I usually do this right after the spin, but sometimes I'll clasp a girls hands after she says something I like
3. Spin hug - I LOVE this. Bend at your knees and pick up a girl under her ass, stand up, and spin her around. DON'T hug her -- it crushes the ribs and fucking hurts
4. Neck bite
5. Waltz Dance - while you're holding the girl, put your hand down on her ass and waltz with her
6. Eyes closed kiss - we were taught this on BC, but I don't do it. "Tell the girl to close her eyes, then kiss her..." -- I just go for the makeout with girls all the time anyway
7. Rapport rocking - this is cool if you're standing up -- just hold her like you're in High School dance (except you aren't a foot apart tounge) and rock back and forth and talk It is easier if you see this (bootcamp = highly recommended), but also realize that there is a reason we use this as a routine.
You don't want to be focusing on things while you are out in the field. I don't want to be thinking "I need to get physical..." -- after a while it becomes natural, and there is no thought...but this little stack helped me learn everything and do it unconsciously. I also like to go out and try to "over-physically escalate" on nights...you don't think much about calibration haha The difference between getting the girl and being entertaining is PHYSICAL ESCALATION. I'd also recommend Ozzie's book "The Physical Game." Ozzie wrote a book on the damn subject...must be a little important?
Mistake #3: Learning It All This is probably the most common mistake guys make who discover RSD. You have that thirst for gaining as much knowledge as possible! You cannot create the perfect approach and never get blown out…IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. I spent an entire year learning everything I could from RSD before I started going out. I had the theory down pat, and I was offering advice to guys who went out based on my THEORY knowledge (Read: keyboard jockey).
After I landed a fake ID when I turned 20, I began going out one night a week and doing approaches. I fucking sucked. I couldn’t apply all of that knowledge I had spent so much time learning! I persevered, and continued to go out with non-community friends every weekend for a year, but I spent the majority of that time being heavily intoxicated and relying on liquid courage. In that time, I got more comfortable approaching strangers, I got a bunch of makeouts, and numerous flakey phone numbers…but I never pulled a girl from the bar.
Mistake #4: Premature-Ejectulation This is fucking big…when most guys aren’t getting a good reaction from a girl they just shrug their shoulders, give up, and walk away. NO! THIS IS SPARTA!! “Either YOU FUCK or THEY LEAVE” – Jeffy If they are still standing in front of you, it's ON…burn your shit to the fucking GROUND.
Mistake #5: Playing To NOT LOSE This cannot be about ego validation…it is about GETTING LAID. The best thing you can do is go for the makeout, # close, isolation/venue change with every girl…ZERO EXCEPTIONS. "If she's hot enough to open, she's hot enough to close." – Jeffy Don’t make excuses to chode around! Play TO WIN, don’t play to NOT LOSE.
Mistake #6: NOT Leading It is safe to say that the majority of your failures in the field are due to NOT leading. Leading shows the girl that you are a MAN, that you can take charge of the situation. LEADING is not hard! It is as simple as stepping back and pulling her with, or grabbing her hand and moving her to face a different direction. You can physically and verbally lead (you should be doing both). Grab her and take her to the bar so you can get water, command her to move over so you can sit next to her on a chair or sofa… LEADING feels natural. When you aren’t doing it, you’ll feel that void in the interaction…the vibe doesn’t feel RIGHT.
Mistake #7: Failure To Build SOCIAL MOMENTUM You either have it, or you don’t. At the beginning of the night you have ZERO momentum (unless you go out 7 nights a week – try it for one week…so crazy)…BUT by the end of the night you have built up massive social momentum (assuming you are doing approaches and not choding around). When you first get out to the club, it feels strange thinking about doing approaches and talking to a bunch of people, but after you get that momentum built up, it feels WEIRD to NOT APPROACH. Every approach is a SUCCESS because it is leading you to a greater state of social momentum. Remember, the first 2 hours don’t count – you’re just getting warmed up wink
Mistake #8: Trying To Impress So many guys do this when they talk to women! Hell, I even get caught doing this time to time…it isn’t just a beginner mistake. If you have read anything on RSDn, then you’ve probably heard “expression not impression.” What does this really mean? “In any given social interaction, one person is always reacting more than the other.” When you are saying things you think a girl will find funny or interesting, you are TRYING to impress her. You aren’t speaking from your core…you’re inside your head SEEKING A REACTION. NOOO! This is so bad.
When you are speaking from your core and talking about what you find interesting and amusing, the girl gets sucked into YOUR reality. She is interested in what you are passionate about and what you find to be interesting. THAT is what girls want…a guy that can express himself without fear of judgment or hesitation. You NEVER want to try to convince a girl to like you. This isn’t a logical game, it is all EMOTIONAL. Remember, they feel whatever you feel. When you are speaking from your core and amusing yourself, the girl is going to feel that too!
Mistake #9: Weak Vocal Projection I believe that the correct vocal tone and projection is extremely important. You aren’t speaking to the girl, you are speaking THROUGH HER. Imagine that she is six feet back from where you are talking…unless you’re whispering in her ear…then you might just blow her eardrums. Speak from your diaphragm and project your voice. ALSO, breaking rapport is fucking MONEY. Owen ran a cool exercise during Hotseat where we practice the different vocal tonalities. I always pictured breaking rapport with being loud, but that isn’t the entire picture. You don’t have to be loud to break rapport…it is all in your tonality. To get the right mix, say “yo” aloud, but imagine that you are saying it to your best friend who you just walked in on fucking your MOM…pretty intense right? Now, mix that “yo” with a laid back laughing vibe… “yooo!” It is tough to type this shit, but if you have attended Hotseat, Bootcamp, or watched some of the DVDs, I’m sure you can catch a recorded demo. Just remember, breaking rapport isn’t about being super loud like a police officer yelling, but it is a tonality that you need to get down unconsciously (Read: go out a lot).
Mistake #10: Lack of INTENT What is intent…? Intent = Clarity in your words, thoughts, and actions. “Approaching straight on, with zero hesitation, and leading the conversation, is the key to intent.” Intent is being complete in what you are doing…regardless of the situation. You can have strong intent with any action! So…when you are approaching a girl, your intent is: “I’m approaching this girl because I want to see what she is about. I’m clear in my thoughts, actions, and what I am saying.” It sounds cryptic, but when you break it down, intent is quite simple, and having INTENT makes a significant impact on your success! When you approach a girl with some ulterior motive, you are NOT showing intent. You are hiding your true desires, and this is unattractive. Girls pick up on this extremely well, and I would assume unconsciously.
Mistake #11: Outcome Dependence ir•rev•er•ent - deficient in veneration or respect More simply put…NOT GIVING A FUCK Freedom from outcome is so damn important. It will make or break you in this game. Now, it isn’t as easy to develop as you may think. You won’t read on RSDn “don’t be outcome dependent…DURR” and then *poof* you have completely eliminated all traces of outcome dependence to your core… It takes time and effort to develop TRUE irreverence. Jeff and Owen are prime examples of two guys who DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK what anyone thinks of them. Owen doesn’t even care if everyone hates his free tour speech…he is presenting what he believes in, and you can either accept it or hate it…BUT that doesn’t affect him either way. Watching Jeff in field was fucking awesome. He is the epitome of irreverence.
Realize that there is not ONE GUY on this planet that every girl is attracted to…except me of course. If you’re not getting rejected, you’re not approaching enough girls or hitting up the harder sets. 1/3 of girls will not like you NO MATTER WHAT 1/3 of girls may like you but won’t hook up with you (serious boyfriend, married, etc…) 1/3 of girls are DTF – you have chemistry with these girls That is one reason why we do so many damn approaches. We are weeding through the girls that are going to waste our time and not meet our standards so we can find those cool girls that we connect with and then fuck their brains out teeth
My bootcamp assistant Mike helped me deal with this issue tremendously when I was stalling out during my 30 Day Challenge: Your biggest issue is ego protection and outcome dependence. This happened to me on a few of my 30 day challenges. You determine your value based on if your skillset is improving on a day to day basis. You don't even care if you get the girl, simply that you're skillset is improving. This makes you dependent on the girl's reaction to determine if you're improving, manifesting by making you wanting to leave the set early so that you don't get rejected so that your subconscious believes the reactions are getting better.
The funny part is, the girl's reaction has absolutely no determination of if you’re improving or not. It is very random which set will go well and often when you make changes the results will get worse at first until you become a bit more congruent with them. Thus, I suggest writing (and focusing on until they're internalized) a bunch of success criteria for each night and each week that are independent of what the girl says/does. If ego protection is still an issue a few weeks from now, a helpful exercise is going out one night attempting to do stupid shit/being overly aggressive with the sole purpose of getting blown out…don't think this is necessary yet, although it could be a fun night.
Mistake #12: Lack of Entitlement Mike helped me deal with entitlement issues after bootcamp too. I was struggling in the second week of my 30 Day Challenge, and he gave me some AWESOME exercises that I recommend everyone tries: I'd suggest doing some exercises outside of the club to feel to realize how stupid not being entitled is…
1. Make a list of your attractive qualities that you offer to girls/everyone in general.
2. Screen the girl.
Make a list of personality qualities you’re looking for when meeting a girl and this will change your subconscious to be the buyer vs. the seller. I catch myself making this “beginner” mistakes all the time. The KEY is that if you recognize the mistake, you can FIX it. The greatest benefit of taking a bootcamp is learning to teach YOURSELF. The instructors guide you during the program, but ultimately their goal is for you to go home with the knowledge to develop your skills to an elite level without someone looking over your shoulder…though it is motivating to imagine Jeff rocking his mullet and doing the purple rain dance while calling me a for standing next to him instead of approaching hot women…
There are countless other mistakes we all make out there, but when you get the basics down, most of that stuff takes care of itself after you get more experience and get some fucking reference points. Remember, INTENT + FREEDOM FROM OUTCOME + SOCIAL MOMENTUM = the ULTIMATE MAN…on top of beasting 7 nights a week, but you’re damn close if you have those primary principles down.
Mistake #12: Not approaching the hotties
You feel you're not entitled to get them so you don't approach, but if you dont approach you won't have the necessary reference experiences to feel entitled. Catch 22 ends when you force yourself to walk up to them.
Mistake #13: Entertaining negative mindsets
If you don't train yourself to be positive, then when the girl you want does something that makes you lose your state, you lose her completely because you start focusing on the negative and feeling negative emotions. If you practice being positive you'll lose state less and less often and thus won't lose attraction when you need it the most.
Mistake #14: Relying on state in order to approach
Theory says "while in state everything works". But state is acquired, so if you don't approach and wait for getting in state to make moves, you may not get in state. That way throughout the night you'll lose social momentum and you are preventing yourself from getting into state or getting experiences without state.
Tip #1: The best way to learn is to learn one bit at a time
Tip #2: You can attract by not trying to impress
Tip #3: A bad set can turn well if you stay there and talk to them until they love or leave you
Tip #4: Playing to win, not to not lose, will get you laid a lot
Tip #5: Leading the girl sucks her into your reality and prevents the interaction from stalling
Tip #6: Getting social momentum is the key to approaching the girls you are afraid to approach
Tip #7: Go out regularly in order to meet 100x more women and learn the skills in a few months or year instead of never.
Tip #8: Being able to speak loud, clearly and in BR-NR tonality will reduce drastically the number of blow outs, and will increase drastically the number of good interactions.
Tip #9: Having intent (ie clarity in thoughts and actions, approaching straight on, with zero hesitation, and leading the conversation) is the solution when nothing happens in your nights (no make out, no lay)
Tip #10: Outcome independence will make you more attractive, you'll have more fun and you
won't be affected by girls who wouldn't have liked or fucked you. Not all the girls will like you anyway, but if you are outcome dependent the girls who would have liked you
will blow you out or dump you if you spend intimate time with her.
Tip #11: Increase your sense of entitlement if you want to get girls you think are out of your league.
Tip #12: If you approach plenty of hotties you will fuck plenty of hotties. If you don't approach them you won't fuck them.
Tip #13: Practice being positive in your everyday life, that way you won't react to girls and instead they will react to you.
Tip #14: You can get good references experiences even when you are out of state. You can have good approaches out of state. Girls can love you even when you're not at your best, SHE decides who she wants to fuck, not you.
Are YOU living a life you want to relive?